stuff.

Since I can't sleep, I will continue with what I can remember. (I swear I will just drop dead one of these days, like those Japanese people who work all day and party all night for months on end and then just randomly drop dead. Pray for me, people, pray for me!)

+ Every person is God's craftsmanship. He planned for each of us to be the way we are. That includes me, thankfully. He purposefully made me to be an artistic person. I can't describe the relief that I feel hearing other people say this. Since I could remember I've felt wrong for being creative. In contemporary Chinese culture, it's wrong to make things that don't make money. Math and science are right. Law, engineering, medicine, and accounting are all good and acceptable, but literature, poetry, music, dance, and art are wrong - I don't even know why Chinese parents force their kids into piano or violin lessons if they don't expect them to go anywhere. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. That's been following me pretty much my whole life. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a ditz. I took 5 of the Chinese 6-pack in high school and somehow wound up in engineering in Waterloo. And I didn't flunk out either (I actually did pretty well) I just quit because I hated it. I just can't deny this part of me that needs to create art. It's the way God made me.

In response, what on earth do I do with my life? Back in Old Testament days the gifted crafts people and musicians would use their skills for God in the temple. After those days were gone, there really hasn't been much for artists to do except cater to the whims of the rich and famous. Before modernity, artisans could earn meager livings through selling their wares locally. But with the advent of corporations and mass production, handmade one-offs just can't compete with the affordability of Ikea or Pottery Barn. (Evil, evil, evil corporations!)

In recent years there seems to have been a resurgence of craftspeople and small businesses, but it's really a hard living. There can only be so many people making art in a given civilization. For the rest, art doesn't pay the bills.

Seriously, what am I going to do with my life? I want to make art, affect people, and support a family. But is this what God wants? I'm so confused. What about the struggle and sacrifice that is necessary for art? Does that mean I have to put off growing a family? Or do I sacrifice art for the sake of having a family? I give my life to God, but what does that really mean?

I am very thankful to have been given a wonderful, understanding, and supportive husband. My only wish is to be able to take a load off your shoulders.

Labels: Arts, God and Christianity